Biker Math

Okay ladies and gentlemen of the biker world. Summer is almost over, and that puts a lot of us in a bad mood. We know you aren't going to let those bikes get rusty during the cold months, so why let your brains get rusty either?

Because we care about your brains, we are offering up some biker friendly math problems to lift your spirits and keep you as sharp as your ride. Just think of them as WD-40 for your thinking gears: 

• 1. If  Earl weighs 225 pounds, and his girlfriend weighs 120 pounds, and Earl's back tire has 40# psi of air, how long before they hit a hidden pothole the size of Crater Lake at 85 mph? 

• 2. Ned paid $10,000 for his used bike. His neighbor paid $23,000 for a new bike. If Ned's neighbor rides his bike home on a Thursday at 3:00 pm,  how many minutes before Ned mentions to his wife that he is considering trading for a new model too?

• 3. You are leaving for a 750 mile road trip. Your right saddlebag holds approximately 15 pounds worth of items. Your left saddlebag holds approximately 30 pounds. How many miles from home will you be when your kickstand malfunctions?

• 4. Tim and Buster have ridden 106 miles from home. If Buster's bike needs an adjustment, and Tim has a 5/8 wrench, an 11/16 wrench and a 7/8 wrench. What are the odds that he will need a metric IF they are 15 miles from a parts store at 5:59 pm on a Sunday?

• 5. If a motorcycle holds roughly five gallons of gas, and gets 45 MPG, and the rider travels an average of 85 MPH, how long before he meets a cop?

• A motorcycle club holds a fundraising ride. If there are 310 bikes, and 3/4 of those have two riders, and the bikes leave in groups of five at 70 mph, how many miles will they travel before they get behind a car doing 35 mph in a 75 mph zone? 

• The same motorcycle club stops for lunch at 12:30 pm. They are supposed to be back at the starting point, which is 150 miles away by 4 pm. They start back at 1:25. If it is 112 degrees, and the pavement is approximately 200 degrees, what are their odds of  having to inch through 25 miles of construction for 2 hours?

 Have a great day, and if you know the answers, don't give them away!

The Biker Wave--Rules??

graphic via clker.com

What's Up With This? 

Before we even get started on this one, let's just make one thing perfectly clear. There ARE no hard, fast rules about the biker wave. EVERYTHING under the sun comes into play when deciding who waves, who gets waved at and what wave is used.

The wave is probably one of the hottest and most debated topics among bikers (and non-bikers), with everyone having their own opinion about what it means and who does it.

Here are some thoughts that people online have about the biker wave:

• Bikers only wave at bikers riding the same style of bike
• Bikers only wave at people on bikes
• Bikers only wave at the same brand of bike
• Harley riders don't wave. 
• Yamaha riders don't wave. 
• Honda riders don't wave. 
• Sport's bike riders don't wave. 
• Bikers only wave at people wearing or not wearing the same type of gear. 
• Bikers don't wave at anyone riding a better bike
• Bikers don't wave at someone riding a worse bike
• Bikers don't wave at anyone wearing lesser gear. Or better gear. 
• Bikers don't wave at the opposite sex. 
• Bikers don't wave at certain colors of bikes. 
• Bikers only wave at people they know. 
• Bikers only wave when they are in a good mood. 

Wow! Now that is a lot to remember. Obviously, anytime a biker doesn't wave at you, that means that it is because of the bike he rides or the gear he is wearing. If these rules were true, there wouldn't be a whole lot of waving going on in the world.

Yet, here in Oklahoma, rules seem to be a bit more relaxed. Here are what local bikers say about greetings of the road:

• Bikers wave if it is safe to do so. 
• Bikers wave at anything on two wheels, unless those two wheels are doing something really stupid and dangerous
• Bikers wave at people they know if they aren't on bikes
• Bikers wave at three and sometimes four wheels too

Hmmm...maybe it is geographical. Or maybe, like some conspiracy theorists (who had their own wave ignored one time) believe...waves are all a form of secret communication between bikers planning to take over the world and rid it of all bikes that they don't like. In which case, it helps to throw people off guard by waving at them even if they are riding the wrong color of bike.

About The Wave

Greetings between bikers didn't just magically appear one day. They gradually crept into culture. Over time, they have meant different things. Back when there were very few bikers on the roads of America, the greeting was an acknowledgement of a fellow free spirit and enthusiast. Today, it is a tradition.

According to legend, the men behind HD motorcycles started the whole thing. Arthur Davidson and William Harley met each other on the road and waved one day. Someone took that to mean that it was a secret code among bikers.

Whether or not that is true we may never know. We also can't know why one guy on a bike will wave when another won't. Maybe he just didn't see you, or maybe he has had the bike for less than ten minutes and is afraid of letting go of the handlebars.

What we do know is that it is just friendly to wave. But only when it is practical. Waving in the middle of rush hour to a bike that is six lanes over isn't practical.They probably can't even see you. Waving at night or during a downpour is pointless for the same reason.

How Should You Wave? 

Wouldn't you know it? No one can agree on this part either! There are endless variations, and no matter which one you use, someone is going to think it is wrong.

• Hand extended to the side and downwards, palm forward

• Hand extended down with one, two or three fingers extended as well. 

• Finger or fingers lifted from the handlebars

• Hand raised slightly from the handlebars

• Hand raised in partial wave to the side

• Full Wave (enthusiastic HI!)

• Or just a nod

• Peace Sign

• Thumbs Up

Or, if you are super-talented and have cruise control...you could do all of these at the same time.

Open To Interpretation

So now you are even less enlightened than you were when you started reading this. That is okay. We aren't sure which wave is right now either. The best solution is to just pick a salute and make it your own.

After all, who likes rules anyway?

Funny Motorcycle Ads

Vintage bike. Runs great. Minor Cosmetic issues. 

For whatever reason, sometime a bike owner has to sell their motorcycle. Maybe they can no longer afford it, maybe they are sick, or maybe they just want a different model.

The fact that anyone has to part ways with their bike isn't really funny. Ads though, can be hilarious. Especially when typos, bad wording, high expectations, or sad lack of knowledge are displayed.

Check out some of the world's worst motorcycle ads!

Red Victory 

Nice, red bike. Tag says "Victory". Runs well, new tires. 30000000 miles.

(MILLION's of miles?)

1998 Honda Valkyrie

Must sell to pay for new bike. This vintage ride has new tires, custom chrome accessories. Recently maintenanced. 45,000 miles always been inside.

(Not always, right...surely you rode it 45,000 miles outside, right??)

Yamaha V Star

Awesome bike, completely refurnished with everything.

(Refurnished. As in...it comes with a sofa and a coffee table. Now that is style.)

2006 Buell XB 

Bought it when drunk. Bike moves faster than me. Want to sell outright or trade for HD Sportster.$4000 OBO

(Never go on Craigslist after a drinking binge.)

2006 Harley Ultra Classic

Great bike. Was slightly wrecked. Serious offers can see photos.

(Define "slightly" wrecked, please?)

2001 Road King

Help! Inherited this bike. Looks all right but I know nothing about them. Has plastic boxes, a black seat and a windshield. Email for photos.

(Boxes.)

Honda Goldwing

Black, red and cream. Will only sell to serious motorcycle lover who will maintain it like it deserves. Or will trade for Red Lobster gift cards.

(How many lobsters is a Goldwing worth?)

Yamaha VMAX 

Gets lots of compliments. $4200

(or best compliment!)

Trike

Will trade for, like, a big ATV or something.

2006 Honda Shadow

Excellent condition. Has some issues but otherwise great bike.

(Um...what issues?)

2006 Harley Dyna

For sale, '06 Harley Dyna. New exhaust system. Blue custom paint in great condition. Bike has never been laid. $8500

(Whoa! I think you mean the bike has never been laid DOWN, right?)

Lesson to be learned from these ads? Buyer Beware!

Did You Know August had Biker Holidays?

It might be a little late in the month to say this, but August was really made for bikers. Okay, the weather may not always be the best for riding, but the month itself is full of holidays that bikers can appreciate.

Skipping all the great days that have passed us by, we can start by appreciating today, which is Creamsicle Day. Sounds pretty good after a hot ride, huh?

Tomorrow is Relaxation Day. What do you do to relax. Too bad they didn't put that holiday on a weekend where we could have used it!

If you want to compose a few lines of verse to celebrate how you feel about hitting the open road, do it on the 19th, because that is Bad Poetry Day. Not saying your poetry stinks or anything, but if it does then people will be much more forgiving on the 19th.

Polish up the chrome for August 23rd. That is Ride the Wind day, and really, shouldn't that be a National Holiday? Call in sick to work.

If you made someone mad on any of those other days, you can always remedy that on Kiss and Make Up Day. That is August 25th. More than enough time to Ride the Wind back home or to work.

We don't recommend kissing your boss to apologize for disappearing on the 23rd. But if you do, please send us photos!You can do that on the 27th, which is Just Because Day.

Even though none of these days were SPECIFICALLY made for bikers, we feel that with the right perspective, just about any holiday can be turned into a Biker Holiday. Or any regular day, for that matter. In fact, we feel that Wednesdays should all be declared mandatory "Ride It If You've Got It Day".

You Know You Are A Real Biker When...

When you have a Harley-Davidson themed bathroom...

You Know You Are A Biker When...

• Your bike has security alarms but your car and house don't. 

• You have or want a room in your house decorated all in motorcycle theme.

• You measure the value of items in motorcycles. (That's worth at least two Harleys!)

• You have made an illegal U-Turn just to go back and ogle a bike parked at a gas station. 

• You don't think there is anything wrong with having furniture, yard art, or accessories made from motorcycle parts.

• You pull out photos of your bike when someone asks to see your family album. 

• You have photos of your bikes on the walls, but not your relatives. 

• You plan vacation trips around motorcycle shops. 

• You can't remember birthdays, including your own, but can quote the make and model of every bike you have owned, and on what day you bought them. 

• You get irritated because the nude models are blocking your view of the bikes in your favorite biker magazine. 

• You have to move bike parts to get to the kitchen table or counters. 

• You either have your motorcycle in your house or you wish you had it in your house. 

• You run out to wash your bike before company comes over. 

• You gripe about a five minute trip to the grocery store, but can browse in a bike shop for 6 hours. 

• You argue with others that ''chrome'' is an actual color. 

• You would rather tie groceries to your bike and be seen in public than to be seen driving your truck on a nice riding day. 

• No one recognizes you if they see you in a car

• You look for longer routes so you can spend more time on the bike

And of course, you know you are really a biker when....

• You wake up after a wreck and ask if your bike survived.